after having focused on not-so-pleasant topics the last posts, I today feel like talking about something very positive. Something that I think is in a large part responsible for me becoming the person I am today. Even though it’s not been a specific event, just some kind of development. But let’s start from the beginning…
I guess I was around 13 when I first started realizing that the world is not all nice and beautiful as I had childishly assumed before. My childhood was wonderful, I can remember endless summer days playing in the garden, making up stories, drawing like crazy and so many other things I loved. At one point my friends started growing up and didn’t like our usual games anymore. I really had a tough time, since I had always been a late bloomer and just couldn’t handle suddenly being deprived of all my playmates. This was what actually triggered my growing up, I think, and it felt like being thrown in at the deep end. Suddenly the world wasn’t all jolly and carefree anymore and I felt lost and insecure. All I wanted was to live in a dream world (I have always been fond of anime, and frequently imagined living in one!) and leave all this crappy reality behind. For around 1.5 years it remained this way and I had a generally very negative attitude towards nearly anything. I was functioning, but unhappy.
Gradually, I regained my interest in the real world, and I think it started with finding new passions in life. I discovered the kitchen for me – first by helping my mom more and more with cooking and then by starting to bake. How much fun that was! At the same time, I got more into writing little stories, something I had always loved but now had more time to as I wasn’t fond of hanging out with people my age who were just interested in make-up, fashion and partying. My life at that time may sound lonely to you, but I actually discovered how much I enjoyed myself doing these things.
What really had a huge impact on me was the law of attraction. Anyone know the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne? It was amaaaazing to me when I first got my hands on it. In the very beginning I thought it would be some esoteric nonsense, but I started realizing how much I took from it. Basically the law of attraction says that anything you think strong enough and thus attract with your thoughts will come into your life sooner or later. I’ll probably write a post on that one at one point, there is so much to say! Anyways, this book was something that triggered a change in me. I decided that I wanted to be happy and that I lived in this world and this world was not perfect but well worth living in. Although I never attracted anything super major, I feel like my life has started going in the right direction then. I became a vegetarian and later vegan and started being more confident about who I am. During my highschool time I didn’t have any close friends but I didn’t need them anymore. Somehow I was only becoming aware of my true personality once I decided to embrace what I had and what I was. I think this discovery was what helped my positive attitude that had slowly, carefully started developing, to finally shine through. In retrospect I can’t really say when I had reached the stage I am at now, but now that I’m thinking about it, it’s probably only been recent. Everything is changing and developing all the time in life, and when I look at my personal progress over the last year I would say a lot has changed again.
What I can definitely say is that this time around age 14 to 15 was crucial for commencing my path towards my real happy self. I think it could have also gone into the wrong direction and I might have ended up depressed and sick of the world if it hadn’t been for some small changes and one lucky discovery of a genius principle. It’s a joy for me to look back nowadays and see how much I have achieved. Of course, being an HSP I worry about many things like crazy and there are lots of things going on on this planet that are terribly sad. But I also have a general contentment and confidence that help me see life as a wonderfully exciting and surprising journey. You can never be sure about what comes next and how long life stays steady when it seems to be. Having accepted that, I know that it will always go on somehow, and as long as I don’t force myself to do something I dislike, it will turn out alright.
One of the most important things for me is to never say I am grown up so I am not allowed to be childish anymore. I am a very childish person in many ways and I love this trait of mine. Where would this world be if we were all dead serious and no one ever did something foolish just for fun? Not in a good place, I think.
I hope for everyone that you also found your way towards a positive attitude (or maybe were lucky and had it all along!) – if not, there’s good news: you can learn it if you really want to. Just show yourself how wonderful life really is. It works! 😉