Dear all,
guess you are asking why the hell I am not writing, now that I finally decided to start my blog. I’m sorry, I’ll really try to better myself, it’s just a rough time right now.
This apprenticeship I just told you about a few days ago? Today I got rejected, and it really hit me hard. At the same time I’m still stuck in my Master’s thesis institute and can’t completely let it go yet, so right now I’m dangling in the air and it’s a bit too much for me. Especially this rejection is pretty tough for me because I had been counting on this thing for nearly a year now, and suddenly it’s over. Still can’t really believe it…
Anyways, this is just an explanation so you don’t think I already lost interest in blogging. I love it, and I’m surprised how much I enjoy it, actually. But sometimes it’s just really hard to not simply break down and cry. Well, I did that earlier today, but now I’m more or less ok again. While I am writing this, I even feel some of my energy returning, so this really helps me. Thank you for being out there. 🙂
What I realized after I nearly got a heart attack this morning is that one can never bet on anything. You can be so sure about how the future will look like, and then everything can change within one second after getting a call, opening an e-mail, or suddenly looking at the girl/man of your dreams, or having an accident. Nothing is sure, whether we like it or not.
At the moment I feel like having lost the solid ground under my feet because all my plans and ideas I had for the next years of my life are gone with this one fateful mail. But luckily I am not a negative-thinker anymore, otherwise I would probably fall into a deep, deep hole now. As it is, I am just telling myself that there was a reason for this for sure, and I probably wouldn’t even have liked the job if I had got it in the end. Like this, I can restart after my Master’s with a fresh mind and maybe find something that fits me much better.
What I want to say is that, however terrible and unbearable a situation might seem at first, never lose hope. Maybe for a minute or two, and crying is totally allowed anyway, but I think it’s important that you always know it will get better again. Even a few minutes after reading this e-mail I told myself that in a few days I would have probably come to terms with it already, and I just hand to stand through them. I mean, there is this certain time that has to pass before one can accept negative events like that, and I guess there is not much one can do to speed it up. But as long as one knows that life goes on and there is always a new morning, everything is ok. I didn’t lose hope and trust in myself although I felt like crushing the whole world in the first half hour. This is something I was really proud of (afterwards, at that time I just cared for not crying in front of my boss!) and that made me confident that good times are coming. Not getting something you really wanted sucks, but it’s not the end of the world. And you know…
“What feels like the end is often the beginning.”
(found on Pinterest, from http://lalalovelythings.com/2014/03/beginning/).
For now, big hugs and all the best wishes ❤
Ayumi
highly bittersweet 