It all has a reason

Spring, spring, SPRING! Nature. Green. Beautiful. Feeling whole…

DSCF2085[1]

Sometimes I just don’t know how I could ever choose the course of study I did choose – it’s just so unlike me. I’m a nature person and not a laboratory person, and the latter is what I am supposed to become once I’m completely done. I really doubt that I will ever set foot into this area again. It took me a long while (5 years!) to get to this point, but I know that I also needed a lot of time to realize who I am and who I am not. Sure, I still have countless miles to go, but I feel like I’m so much closer to me than when I was done with highschool. At that point, I just wanted to get a secure job and thought I would be fine with many things. Well, guess that was wrong. 😉

What’s funny – I told you guys about this important apprenticeship that I really, really wanted and for which I didn’t even get into the real selection process. Actually, at around that time I had also applied for a small online job and that I did get. And it’s so much fun! It’s a translation service called Gengo where basically anyone can apply as a translator for his or her language pair. Their philosophy is to offer a fast and comparably cheap translation in many language pairs, and for this they hire “normal” people who have to pass tests to be selected. I did get there and I realized that I love translating. I knew I loved the English language more than my mother tongue German, but not how much fun translating would be for me. You know, I strongly believe that nothing happens without a reason, so who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be a full-time translator and happy with it.

I guess the general importance of this is: don’t try to force yourself to do something. If you think you really want something, okay, try it. If you do it and like it that’s great. If you do it and don’t like it, see if you can find any better options and have the courage to switch. And well, if you are not able to do it although you would have loved to, don’t bury your head in the sand. Sometimes the solution comes instantly and in a way that’s so very different from what you expected. Just wait and see. My grandpa always used to say “Du kannst mehr absitzen als ablaufen”, meaning that you should just sit patiently and let time pass and see where it leads you instead of running after things that you might never get or that might turn out to be completely wrong for you. I love this attitude and I finally understand it.

Hope you guys are as content with your current ideas and choices as I am. ❤

Love,

Ayumi

Advertisements

Moving and general thoughts + Goal for today

Hi there,

I feel really bad for not posting regularly. Somehow it’s like I have less time now that I’m finally done with my Master’s. Straaaaange… Anyway, I guess I was also a bit too excited in the beginning, and I think daily posts are maybe not for me, I’m just not that much of an internet person. Guess I’m just mentioning this so you guys don’t think I already lost interest in this whole blogging business – don’t worry, I think it’s just the frequency that was a bit of an overkill for me. Blogging is awesome, and I’m happy to be able to connect with great people like you. 😉

So the last days I have been clearing my room in my university town, and now we have a bunch of moving boxes sitting here. Again. I think I didn’t tell you yet, but my mom and I (my weekend self, as during the week I lived where I studied) moved from a single-familiy house to a flat after my parents finally broke up completely, which was a few months ago. And this had been super stressful. We had just so much stuff accumulated, a lot of which we couldn’t take with us, of course. But sure enough, we still had sufficient to just somehow be able to store everything away. That time was exhausting, both physically and mentally. Carrying all these boxes and furniture and driving back and forth and what not, and all the while my mom being pretty finished. Finally that time was over, focus on Master’s thesis again. And now I’m somehow allergic to moving, and just the sight of these cardboard boxes makes me sick. I guess the best solution would be to simply unpack them and somehow try to find a space for the additional stuff, but it’s all going in slow motion because I feel like I can’t do it anymore. After this, I hope I’ll be done with moving for a while at least! 🙂

Well, moving on to something happier. Seems like Spring is really here, the trees start to unfold their leafs and the sun is shining a lot. How I missed that… It’s so simple, but being an HSP, it’s one of the best things ever for me to just listen to the birds, feel the sun on my skin and be one with the world. Many people don’t understand how I can love walking/hiking so much. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind spending my each and every day in the forest, just walking around and enjoying the company of nature. It gives me much more than human company (although I love having my mom with me, but we both love walking separately as well). I guess it’s really about accepting the way one is. For so long I was trying to be more normal, more the way I was expected to be. Once I finally found that I actually didn’t want that and was pretty okay with the person I am, I suddenly saw the world much brighter. I wish there wasn’t this constant pressure from society to be as adapted and average as possible. I’m sure there are many, many people that also just act as if, simply because they don’t dare showing their real personality.

Let’s be proud of who we are! After all, we are caring and compassionate and usually think about what we do before we do it. Being an HSP can be difficult, but it has loads of advantages. For example, having become a vegetarian and then a vegan has changed my life for the better dramatically. And without this strong tendency of mine to empathize with everyone and everything, I guess I would never have gotten there. I am a firm believer that life leads us to all the places we reach for a reason. And if we think positive and are thankful for what we get, we’ll be more and more on the right track.

Goal for today: Tidy up the mess! If you have a mess too, feel free to join in, together it’s more fun and we can share our achievement with someone. 😉

Have a lovely day! ❤

Ayumi

UPDATE:

Yay, I really managed a lot of cleaning and stuffing away my mess. It’s not perfect still, but I’m definitely getting there. Hope you were successful too! 🙂

It’s our choice!

Hi there,

today I want to share with you what I experienced a few days ago, when I visited a talk by a Tibetan Buddhist teacher about letting the past go. It was more for my mom than for me, because she had a troublesome time over the last few years. But I was very curious to meet this person anyway. And it was worth going there, even though the conclusion was basically something I already knew. However, it never harms to be reminded of simple and powerful truths. 🙂

He talked a lot about stress at first, how our Western societies are full of it and the people don’t get to relax during the day as much as they should. Mindfulness ist another thing he touched, and he kept repeating that when you are, e.g., eating lunch, you should focus on this and enjoy it instead of already worrying about what will come next. We do this all the time, I mean, who really lives in the present moment? It’s a great thing to try, but for me it usually takes less than a minute until I think of future or past again. Anyway, that was how he started the talk, and it was already very nice. He then presented 6 tools of how to achieve more happiness in life. Actually, it was 5 tools and 1 “manual” to make use of the tools.

The tools were generosity, discipline, continuity, concentration and patience, the manual knowledge. As simple as that. He talked about all of them for a bit, and then, in the very end, he came back to the original topic of the talk and just said that regarding the letting go of the past, it’s our own business. We have to make a conscious decision that we want to do it, and we may use the mentioned tools to achieve it. But he didn’t say much more about it. It’s our choice, I think that’s the main message.

We make decisions all the time, concerning important and not-so-important things. But we often forget that we can make choices in every aspect of our lives, we have the chance to change so many more things than the ones we do change. We can change many aspects of ourselves, even. Maybe not the basic foundations of who we are (but who would want to change that, anyway?) but definitely some patterns of how we behave in certain situations, and also the general attitude towards life – as I did over the years.

I think this is something worth repeating again and again, because many people struggle with various issues and always complain about their bad luck etc. Fine, people, it doesn’t exactly help you to complain about what is bad and should be changed over and over again. Just make the decision to accomplish these changes. We have all the power in us, we just usually don’t make use of it and thus think that there is nothing there. There is, let’s just trust in it!

Alright, enough for now… I just thought you might like to hear about this talk too, and maybe think about what you would like to finally let go, or change, or accomplish in your lives that you never thought you had the power to. Is this really so? We should always ask that question.

Now, I hope that some of you had/have an awesome summery day as I had (guess I even have a sunburn now! 😉 ).

All the best,
Ayumi

It’s spring!

I’m back!

Although I am very lazy these days, because I finally escaped from my Master’s thesis schedule and only now realize how exhausted I actually am. It’s so nice to just sleep as long as I want and not have to worry about deadlines anymore. It will take a while until I’ll be ready to start thinking about my future, I guess. And that’s totally okay, the last two years were not fun.

I hope you all had a great Easter (for those celebrating Easter, that is 🙂 ) and a relaxing time with your families. Mine was great, I baked a lot and although (as expected) my grandfather didn’t touch much because it was vegan (and he actually isn’t so well these days), everyone else was happy.

Yesterday I got my internet connection here at home and realized that I didn’t crave it as much as I had expected. Guess that’s a good thing, I always pity the people that feel the need to be online 24/7. What kind of life is that? Go outside and enjoy the beautiful nature!

Today was an awesome day, for the first time it was really warm outside and I felt that I could have actually worn a sleeveless shirt for my walk if I had dared. Awesome! And the birds were chirping like crazy, everywhere the first flowers are blossoming and even trees start greening. Oh yes, how I am looking forward to that. Spring is my favorite time of the year, when everything comes back to life. It feels like a miracle every year again.

I hope you all had a great spring day as well.

Bye for now,

Ayumi ❤

Chocolate chip cookies

Hey people,

so, I have to say, going out was actually fun. As expected, I was quite exhausted afterwards, but I still enjoyed seeing all these people some of which I hadn’t met in a while. I have to admit that I have really no clue whatsoever about going to bars in general, I have only very rarely done that in my life, and I still don’t like it, and it’s always funny to me how people talk about all these different locations and their advantages and disadvantages and I’m just asking for a place that please shouldn’t be too loud. 😉

We started out at a very cramped place with loud music which I really didn’t like because I nearly had to scream to talk to people. After that we went somewhere else and I was so happy while we were outside, I wish others would feel the same way – I would be perfectly fine with just roaming around the city for a few hours, talking and enjoying the fresh air. Well, you can’t have everything… They were already nice because they took into account that it shouldn’t be too smoky (another thing I can’t stand at all) just for me. We unfortunately ended up in a place where smoking was allowed, though, and my eyes started hurting and my stomach revolted a little, and today my skin (I have a mild form of atopic eczema) has some reddish and wet spots now. Sometimes being sensitive in so many ways is a real pain… Anyway, in general it was good and I had fun, which is already an achievement for me. 🙂

As indicated yesterday, I was making goodbye cookies for a really good friend from India today, and I guessed that’s a good time for sharing another recipe with you. Being an absolute chocolate monster, I of course went for chocolate chip cookies, and I really love this recipe. I created it a while ago and it never failed me so far.

DSCF1921

Here you go, for about 30-40 small cookies:

340 g wheat flour

180 g sugar

180 g vegan butter

100 g chocolate, cut into small pieces Schokolade

30 g cocoa powder (unsweetened)

10 g starch

½ tsp baking powder

1 pinch of salt

~ 50 ml almond milk or any other plant milk

Knead all ingredients together until they form a nice dough. If necessary, add some more liquid or flour.

Form small balls and flatten them into circles and place them on a baking tray with parchment paper on it.

Bake the cookies at 180°C (upper and lower heat) for ~ 12-15 minutes. Let them cool completely and then store in a glass or metal container.

They can be kept for a few weeks and are crisp and very chocolatey! Yum! 😉

Now, people, I won’t have internet for about a week because at my “real home” with me mom, we only get a new connection then. Anyway, as it is Easter I guess nobody will feel such a strong need to roam the internet (hopefully) and rather spend the time with their families!

I wish you all a great Easter, hopefully the weather at your place is not as crazy as here in Germany. The last few days it was going from storm to bright sunshine to hail to rain to fat snow flakes all within a few hours, and all back and forth. Guess the Easter Bunny will have a hard time this year. 😉

See you all back in about a week!

Best, Ayumi ❤

Going out as an HSP

It’s always a struggle for me. Everyone is looking forward, planning a location, scheduling a time. And I am already getting uncomfortable at the thought of it. Going out is really not my thing.

Today my friends and I are gonna celebrate the completion of our Master’s theses, and of course I am also happy to see all of them once more before many of us will spread to different places and we won’t meet again so soon. It would be one issue if we met in a private place, like an apartment or something, but this bar thing I just hate. The problem is that most people enjoy ordering drinks and I think they probably also like this general atmosphere in bars. For me, it’s pure stress. All this noise, little space, tension because of the unfamiliar environment. I would really like to look forward, but I am actually more dreading it since I know that I will be totally worn out afterwards. Luckily I know now that this is only natural for most HSPs, and I don’t feel like such an alien anymore. 🙂

For me it always helps to remind me that nobody forces me to do anything, so if I really don’t feel like going I don’t have to. In this case, I’ll go for sure (I mean, how many Master’s theses do you complete in your life? Right…), but normally I often say no. Most of the time, actually. And when there is this feeling of, ok, I want to go, I know it will be stress but it’ll be nice to see these people anyway, it’s somewhat fine. After all, it’s just one evening and then I can sleep and recover.

So I guess this is how it will be, tonight I’m gonna go through it, try to actually be able to have some proper conversations instead of this stupid superficial blah blah…

Tomorrow I’ll then have to say goodbye to one of my best friends here, as she’ll go home to India on Friday. I hope I will get the chance to bake something nice for her, then I might share the recipe with you. It’s always so strange when a chapter of life ends. I was looking forward to this for months, but now it feels just funny. Let’s see what the next weeks will bring.

Have a great (hopefully relaxing and joyful) day/evening depending on where you are! 😉

Love, Ayumi

Never lose hope

Dear all,

guess you are asking why the hell I am not writing, now that I finally decided to start my blog. I’m sorry, I’ll really try to better myself, it’s just a rough time right now.

This apprenticeship I just told you about a few days ago? Today I got rejected, and it really hit me hard. At the same time I’m still stuck in my Master’s thesis institute and can’t completely let it go yet, so right now I’m dangling in the air and it’s a bit too much for me. Especially this rejection is pretty tough for me because I had been counting on this thing for nearly a year now, and suddenly it’s over. Still can’t really believe it…

Anyways, this is just an explanation so you don’t think I already lost interest in blogging. I love it, and I’m surprised how much I enjoy it, actually. But sometimes it’s just really hard to not simply break down and cry. Well, I did that earlier today, but now I’m more or less ok again. While I am writing this, I even feel some of my energy returning, so this really helps me. Thank you for being out there. 🙂

What I realized after I nearly got a heart attack this morning is that one can never bet on anything. You can be so sure about how the future will look like, and then everything can change within one second after getting a call, opening an e-mail, or suddenly looking at the girl/man of your dreams, or having an accident. Nothing is sure, whether we like it or not.

At the moment I feel like having lost the solid ground under my feet because all my plans and ideas I had for the next years of my life are gone with this one fateful mail. But luckily I am not a negative-thinker anymore, otherwise I would probably fall into a deep, deep hole now. As it is, I am just telling myself that there was a reason for this for sure, and I probably wouldn’t even have liked the job if I had got it in the end. Like this, I can restart after my Master’s with a fresh mind and maybe find something that fits me much better.

What I want to say is that, however terrible and unbearable a situation might seem at first, never lose hope. Maybe for a minute or two, and crying is totally allowed anyway, but I think it’s important that you always know it will get better again. Even a few minutes after reading this e-mail I told myself that in a few days I would have probably come to terms with it already, and I just hand to stand through them. I mean, there is this certain time that has to pass before one can accept negative events like that, and I guess there is not much one can do to speed it up. But as long as one knows that life goes on and there is always a new morning, everything is ok. I didn’t lose hope and trust in myself although I felt like crushing the whole world in the first half hour. This is something I was really proud of (afterwards, at that time I just cared for not crying in front of my boss!) and that made me confident that good times are coming. Not getting something you really wanted sucks, but it’s not the end of the world. And you know…

“What feels like the end is often the beginning.”
(found on Pinterest, from http://lalalovelythings.com/2014/03/beginning/).

For now, big hugs and all the best wishes ❤

Ayumi