It all has a reason

Spring, spring, SPRING! Nature. Green. Beautiful. Feeling whole…

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Sometimes I just don’t know how I could ever choose the course of study I did choose – it’s just so unlike me. I’m a nature person and not a laboratory person, and the latter is what I am supposed to become once I’m completely done. I really doubt that I will ever set foot into this area again. It took me a long while (5 years!) to get to this point, but I know that I also needed a lot of time to realize who I am and who I am not. Sure, I still have countless miles to go, but I feel like I’m so much closer to me than when I was done with highschool. At that point, I just wanted to get a secure job and thought I would be fine with many things. Well, guess that was wrong. 😉

What’s funny – I told you guys about this important apprenticeship that I really, really wanted and for which I didn’t even get into the real selection process. Actually, at around that time I had also applied for a small online job and that I did get. And it’s so much fun! It’s a translation service called Gengo where basically anyone can apply as a translator for his or her language pair. Their philosophy is to offer a fast and comparably cheap translation in many language pairs, and for this they hire “normal” people who have to pass tests to be selected. I did get there and I realized that I love translating. I knew I loved the English language more than my mother tongue German, but not how much fun translating would be for me. You know, I strongly believe that nothing happens without a reason, so who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be a full-time translator and happy with it.

I guess the general importance of this is: don’t try to force yourself to do something. If you think you really want something, okay, try it. If you do it and like it that’s great. If you do it and don’t like it, see if you can find any better options and have the courage to switch. And well, if you are not able to do it although you would have loved to, don’t bury your head in the sand. Sometimes the solution comes instantly and in a way that’s so very different from what you expected. Just wait and see. My grandpa always used to say “Du kannst mehr absitzen als ablaufen”, meaning that you should just sit patiently and let time pass and see where it leads you instead of running after things that you might never get or that might turn out to be completely wrong for you. I love this attitude and I finally understand it.

Hope you guys are as content with your current ideas and choices as I am. ❤

Love,

Ayumi

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Law of Attraction

Hi people,

a while ago I had announced that I was planning to tell you about the Law of Attraction that I came in touch with a few years ago. Now, as a premonition, depending on your beliefs and attitude, it might be that you just find this whole thing crazy and idiotic. I used to think that way. Until I decided to try and realized how true most of the ideas are.

So, the Law of Attraction (made popular by The Secret by Rhonda Byrne) is a principle that says that everything you attract with your mind will come into your life. This means if you really want something, you just have to believe strong enough in getting it, and you will finally have it. It sounds too simple to be true, right? Well, the problem is that you can’t really have a doubt, otherwise it will not work. Probably now you start thinking that it’s really crappy, and I did the same first. So please read on. 😉

There is some kind of three-step-process to get what you desire. At first, you need to visualize very clearly and convincing what you want to have. For example, you want a certain hat that you are unable to find in your local stores. You need to see a picture of this specific thing in your head and decide that this is what you want to have. What you do with this is that you “order” what you desire from the universe. In principle it’s like ordering a parcel. You decide what you want, order it at a company and wait for the parcel to arrive.

This is the second step. While waiting, one has to be expectant and positive without any doubt that the parcel will arrive. To me, this appears to be the hardest. It’s fine to think what you want and to believe that, okay, you will get it, but once you have been waiting for a month, the enthusiasm can easily start to fade. And if this happens, your order was in vain and no parcel will arrive. According to Rhonda Byrne, it depends entirely on you how long it takes until the ordered parcel arrives. If you think it will take long, well, it will. If you trust in it to be delivered very soon, it might as well, if you believe strong enough. Of course this is a technical barrier that I have run into many, many times. But actually, there are quite a few experiences where I’m pretty sure that without my firm belief that something would happen this way, it wouldn’t have. I don’t want to go into details now because I’m actually dog-tired, but I can definitely tell you some success stories.

The third part of the process is receiving your parcel, whatever you desired, thankfully and happily. Being thankful in general is something very much stressed in this principle because it basically shows your appreciation for all the small wishes that were fulfilled in your daily life, many of which you didn’t even consciously think about. For example, waking up again healthily or seeing a beautiful flower etc.

I’m curious – has anyone ever heard about the Law of Attraction? And what do you think about it? Exciting or bullshit?

For me personally, I can just repeat that it had a very positive impact on the way I see life and I’m grateful to have discovered it. I would always recommend it! 🙂

All the best

Ayumi

Moving and general thoughts + Goal for today

Hi there,

I feel really bad for not posting regularly. Somehow it’s like I have less time now that I’m finally done with my Master’s. Straaaaange… Anyway, I guess I was also a bit too excited in the beginning, and I think daily posts are maybe not for me, I’m just not that much of an internet person. Guess I’m just mentioning this so you guys don’t think I already lost interest in this whole blogging business – don’t worry, I think it’s just the frequency that was a bit of an overkill for me. Blogging is awesome, and I’m happy to be able to connect with great people like you. 😉

So the last days I have been clearing my room in my university town, and now we have a bunch of moving boxes sitting here. Again. I think I didn’t tell you yet, but my mom and I (my weekend self, as during the week I lived where I studied) moved from a single-familiy house to a flat after my parents finally broke up completely, which was a few months ago. And this had been super stressful. We had just so much stuff accumulated, a lot of which we couldn’t take with us, of course. But sure enough, we still had sufficient to just somehow be able to store everything away. That time was exhausting, both physically and mentally. Carrying all these boxes and furniture and driving back and forth and what not, and all the while my mom being pretty finished. Finally that time was over, focus on Master’s thesis again. And now I’m somehow allergic to moving, and just the sight of these cardboard boxes makes me sick. I guess the best solution would be to simply unpack them and somehow try to find a space for the additional stuff, but it’s all going in slow motion because I feel like I can’t do it anymore. After this, I hope I’ll be done with moving for a while at least! 🙂

Well, moving on to something happier. Seems like Spring is really here, the trees start to unfold their leafs and the sun is shining a lot. How I missed that… It’s so simple, but being an HSP, it’s one of the best things ever for me to just listen to the birds, feel the sun on my skin and be one with the world. Many people don’t understand how I can love walking/hiking so much. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind spending my each and every day in the forest, just walking around and enjoying the company of nature. It gives me much more than human company (although I love having my mom with me, but we both love walking separately as well). I guess it’s really about accepting the way one is. For so long I was trying to be more normal, more the way I was expected to be. Once I finally found that I actually didn’t want that and was pretty okay with the person I am, I suddenly saw the world much brighter. I wish there wasn’t this constant pressure from society to be as adapted and average as possible. I’m sure there are many, many people that also just act as if, simply because they don’t dare showing their real personality.

Let’s be proud of who we are! After all, we are caring and compassionate and usually think about what we do before we do it. Being an HSP can be difficult, but it has loads of advantages. For example, having become a vegetarian and then a vegan has changed my life for the better dramatically. And without this strong tendency of mine to empathize with everyone and everything, I guess I would never have gotten there. I am a firm believer that life leads us to all the places we reach for a reason. And if we think positive and are thankful for what we get, we’ll be more and more on the right track.

Goal for today: Tidy up the mess! If you have a mess too, feel free to join in, together it’s more fun and we can share our achievement with someone. 😉

Have a lovely day! ❤

Ayumi

UPDATE:

Yay, I really managed a lot of cleaning and stuffing away my mess. It’s not perfect still, but I’m definitely getting there. Hope you were successful too! 🙂

Into the blue…

Hi everyone,

after a fateful and much hated day yesterday, I am back on track. There are soooo many things one can do in this world, this one stupid job that I wanted and now can’t get won’t decide on my overall life happiness. Actually, I enjoy the thought of not knowing about my future at all – a little bit, at least. Sure it’s scary and at times I completely freak out and feel like screaming, but overall I take it as a great opportunity to find my direction in life. I think that when I chose my career the first time, after highschool, I was still so much of a child and so inexperienced and insecure, I just wanted to get something started to be out of this situation of not knowing what to do. I was so scared of the world back then, I think I would have never been able to make a proper and educated decision about what I want to do. So I picked what seemed the most interesting to me – I liked biology in highschool, so why not study it? And for my Master’s, I had already felt strange about continuing but was not at that point where I would have dared to draw a line and say “Stop”.

Finally, here I am now, finishing my Master’s and looking out into the blue. Except for some faint ideas, everything is completely open and possibilities are endless. Maybe I will find the greatest thing for me, and maybe I’ll be disillusioned pretty soon. Somehow, though, I have the feeling that I am doing the right thing. Lately, I am absolutely obsessed with all kinds of songs that address in one or the other way this topic of not knowing what the future will bring. For example… “It’s a shot in the dark but I’ll make it” (Rather Be, Clean Bandit), “Neither of us knows what’s in store” (The Days, Avicii) or You Can Never Be Ready (Sunrise Avenue). Actually, these are all some of my very favorite songs at the moment, apart from my anime music… It’s such a relieve to feel like it’s totally okay to not always know what life will bring. And it’s really thrilling for me, because I have never tried it so far. I guess my being an HSP doesn’t make things easier, because if one thinks about everything ten times as much as most people, it naturally takes much more courage to do something so insecure, as one replays all the possible scenarios of how this can go wrong so many times. But now I am finally doing it, and I am proud and confident about it.

Did you ever have this feeling of dangling in the air, not knowing which of the many possible directions you are going to take? If yes, how did it turn out? I would love to hear some stories!

Apart from all that, it’ll be Easter soon (looking so forward!) and I’m glad to finally be able to spend a few calm days with my family and hopefully baking something. I have made a plan of baking some really tasty treats so that my anti-vegan grandfather will have a pretty hard time if he wants to stick to not eating my baked goods. I’ll let you know if it works out! 😉

All the best,

Ayumi ❤

Btw, now that I have recovered a bit from yesterday, I am gonna add my remaining thankful thoughts from Saturday. Yesterday I just wasn’t able to do it.

Never lose hope

Dear all,

guess you are asking why the hell I am not writing, now that I finally decided to start my blog. I’m sorry, I’ll really try to better myself, it’s just a rough time right now.

This apprenticeship I just told you about a few days ago? Today I got rejected, and it really hit me hard. At the same time I’m still stuck in my Master’s thesis institute and can’t completely let it go yet, so right now I’m dangling in the air and it’s a bit too much for me. Especially this rejection is pretty tough for me because I had been counting on this thing for nearly a year now, and suddenly it’s over. Still can’t really believe it…

Anyways, this is just an explanation so you don’t think I already lost interest in blogging. I love it, and I’m surprised how much I enjoy it, actually. But sometimes it’s just really hard to not simply break down and cry. Well, I did that earlier today, but now I’m more or less ok again. While I am writing this, I even feel some of my energy returning, so this really helps me. Thank you for being out there. 🙂

What I realized after I nearly got a heart attack this morning is that one can never bet on anything. You can be so sure about how the future will look like, and then everything can change within one second after getting a call, opening an e-mail, or suddenly looking at the girl/man of your dreams, or having an accident. Nothing is sure, whether we like it or not.

At the moment I feel like having lost the solid ground under my feet because all my plans and ideas I had for the next years of my life are gone with this one fateful mail. But luckily I am not a negative-thinker anymore, otherwise I would probably fall into a deep, deep hole now. As it is, I am just telling myself that there was a reason for this for sure, and I probably wouldn’t even have liked the job if I had got it in the end. Like this, I can restart after my Master’s with a fresh mind and maybe find something that fits me much better.

What I want to say is that, however terrible and unbearable a situation might seem at first, never lose hope. Maybe for a minute or two, and crying is totally allowed anyway, but I think it’s important that you always know it will get better again. Even a few minutes after reading this e-mail I told myself that in a few days I would have probably come to terms with it already, and I just hand to stand through them. I mean, there is this certain time that has to pass before one can accept negative events like that, and I guess there is not much one can do to speed it up. But as long as one knows that life goes on and there is always a new morning, everything is ok. I didn’t lose hope and trust in myself although I felt like crushing the whole world in the first half hour. This is something I was really proud of (afterwards, at that time I just cared for not crying in front of my boss!) and that made me confident that good times are coming. Not getting something you really wanted sucks, but it’s not the end of the world. And you know…

“What feels like the end is often the beginning.”
(found on Pinterest, from http://lalalovelythings.com/2014/03/beginning/).

For now, big hugs and all the best wishes ❤

Ayumi

Goal for today

Hi people,

it’s weekend, and that means we’re all in a good mood, right? Perfect for another little feel-good challenge. Today I am planning to be thankful at least 10 times (and I’ll try hard to remember and let you guys know later what these things were, just don’t be surprised that it’ll take a while because I’m at a no-internet place for the rest of the weekend 😉 ).

Well, first three times are already done, since I started the day with a nice running tour during which I was very grateful for the chirping birds (making me smile automatically!), for being healthy and able to run and for the blue sunny sky – awesome! Good start. 🙂

I wish y’all a wonderful weekend and many thankful thoughts!

Ayumi

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” ~ Buddha

UPDATE:

So, during that day I was thankful for seeing my grandparents, for the beautiful daffodils that are blossoming everywhere these days, for having enough to eat (and even something really tasty!) and a nice cozy bed to sleep in, for my cute cat although she is very stubborn (or maybe just because of that?), for it being weekend, so I knew I could sleep in, for the ivy we collected in my grandparents’ garden and formed into a nice vernal door wreath, for the singing blackbird at my mom’s place/soon-to-be real home (I swear this bird picked up a cell phone ring tone, this song is just not normal chirping – too cool! 😉 ), for my self-made vegan chocolates (yummie!), for the beautiful book I finished the second time that day (To Kill A Mockingbird) and for so many other things. Guess it would get boring if I tried to list every little thing here… But the options are inexhaustible. Let’s be thankful for as much as possible! 🙂

Let’s relax!

Hi out there!

It’s Friday, weekend coming, yay! Although I had a somewhat unpleasant day today (and will have to work a little tomorrow…), I’m still happy. Weekend means you don’t have to justify getting up late, staying in your PJs all day if you feel like it and just calming down from the events of the week. Some weeks that’s more necessary than others.

Do you know this feeling when you have something very important in mind all the time and you don’t know how it will turn out? For me this is the case right now, I have applied for an apprenticeship that only few people are accepted to, and it feels like a great thing to me that I would love to get. My head is spinning so often with worries and hopes and yesterday I got a confirmation that at least my application was received (I sent it months ago!) and had to fill out some questionnaires. God was I excited! Today I woke up with a funny feeling in my belly, for me a typical sign of nervousness. I usually have a hard time letting thoughts go. This whole morning while preparing breakfast I didn’t think of anything else.

Luckily the events of the day gradually brought me back to my normal self. After having listened to my current comfort music on the bus this morning, it was already much better. I love the way music can help you change your mood when needed. It can make you happy or sad, calm you down or stimulate you… At the moment (actually for the whole period of my Master’s thesis which was 6 months…) I am listening to (don’t laugh!) songs originated from my favorite anime series I loved to watch when I was younger. Now writing it down, it seems so very childish, but this music just gives me what I need at times like today, and that is a lot of assurance and the feeling that I am doing the right thing. Calmed down, I reached the institute and survived my day. 🙂

Now it already seems totally illogical that I was so hyper just because of something I had been looking forward to for so long and finally been able to do. I really need to start relaxing, but it’s always much easier to say it than to actually set it into action. Fellow HSPs, you sure know what I’m talking about. 😉

What usually helps me is to remember that this life is simply mine and not anybody else’s. Looking at the whole world, there are incredibly many ways of living a life, so why should I worry so much about one single aspect? Fine, it may be very important to me at the moment, but so are other things. If something doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world, and if it does, well, even better. What counts in the end is the overall happiness, and this probably just suffers if one worries about everything so much more than necessary. I admire the people that just take everything the way it comes and never even bother to think about how it could have been even better. I do that all the time. It’s time to stop it right now. Overall, life is great for privileged people like us (I would consider anyone who can access the internet as privileged, because you most certainly also have a home, running water and a nice cozy bed) and we should remember that more often. We have so many possibilities, there is really no need to take them as an incentive to worry our heads off!

That said, I wish you all a wonderful (and relaxing) weekend!

Ayumi

That’s my cat Kyla… She obviously knows how to relax! 😉

Kyla